Old standby

Very often my past, specifically my teen years, comes back to remind me who I really am was. Depressed, poor and barely holding on, I struggled to breath most days. I am not depressed anymore, in fact quite the opposite, I have more joy in my life than I ever thought possible. But every once in a while an emotion will creep in so strongly and take me back so quickly, it takes everything I have to keep from sinking. It’s momentary but it’s overwhelming. And typically it’s because I feel like I’m losing something that I love dearly, and I don’t want to let go.
I am aware that the root of this goes back to my Dad leaving us when I was a teen and suffering that life threatening loss.. yes it was life threatening to me. I know this. But knowing does not have the power in that particular moment to change how I feel.
I’ve developed a new strategy. I make myself say out loud what I’m thankful for and everything that I am blessed with.. sometimes all we need is a change of focus to correct negative patterns..
and sometimes
I go back to my old standby
and write.

Open a window.. breath in the crisp, clean air.
Let go.
Dance barefoot in your kitchen to a song that only you hear.
Live.
Focus on all that you have, not on what you feel is slipping through your fingers.
Love. Release.
Whisper blessings in infant ears, stop time, hold a child and don’t let go.
Believe.
Step out on rocky ground.
Risk.
Let go.
Unfurl the flag of your heart, let it fly
without restraint.
Freedom.
Inhale the sweetness of peace, flowing into shadows.. filling them. Removing them.
Embrace.
Speak into existence- dreams that have never been spoken aloud.
Believe.
Pick up courage, carry it with you
Let go of the pain, stop carrying it with you.
Hope.
Give thanks.
Live.

I feel better already. :-)

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4 thoughts on “Old standby

  1. Beautiful! I am helping someone I love dearly struggle to emerge from a deep depression. My prayer is that they feel the joy & peace you express in your poem.

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